i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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