I never want to see another naked old woman again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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