why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
