Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
