i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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