Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
