when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
