yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize