I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
