it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
