I just threw up on my dentist
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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