if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im holly from the hills drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
