Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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