Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
