i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize