you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize