just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
