I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
