Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
