WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
