easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
