My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
