This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
