What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
