I must be too annoying 4 u.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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