Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
