Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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