They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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