Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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