So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
