I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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