I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
