We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
