And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
