you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What a dumb baby whore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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