either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
