My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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