Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
