i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize