after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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