and you said cock pushups were impossible
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
