dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
