we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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