He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We smell like vodka and hangover
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