Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
