A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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