Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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