I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
