Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
