this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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