Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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