happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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