it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
