So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
