not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
