Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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