is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
