Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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