He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
