I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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