I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You ruined the universe
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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