i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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