That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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