i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
being pregnant is like rehab
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
