It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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