she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
