i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This baby is an asshole
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
