when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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