need another drink. this is the easiest way
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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