remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize