he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
