absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
