from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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