You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
