Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
