I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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