so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
