Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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