HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
